'The Unhoneymooners' Review...

Clearly, the trope of "Enemies to Lovers" is my favourite because I devoured this book in 3 days (vs. 4 with The Hating Game).

There were some similarities between the two novels, like the excellently sarcastic banter between both characters and even a damn Paintballing scene!

This story, however, did contain a little more "family drama" to it which made it all the more intriguing to inhale!

ALSO, Christina Lauren is an AUTHOR DUO! So cool! A novel written by two people can add different elements that helps develop a storyline interestingly.

Before we get into the spoiled sections, let me address three things:

1) I'm sorry, I CANNOT get behind the name "Olive". I never liked that name and I find it hard to connect with a MC when they go by that name. But, I survived.

2) The main character being of Latin descent made me EXTREMELY happy! Being of Latin American descent myself, it was lovely to read about family dynamics that I found to be similar in my experiences too.

3) The steaminess level of this book was, for lack of a better word, disappointing.

Don't get me wrong, there was steamy parts that got your heart thumping, and then it "fades to black" and you're stuck wondering what the hell you did to deserve such tease.

ANYWAY, onto the fun stuff.

UNspoiled:

This story is in the first person POV of Olive Torres, an identical twin to her sister, Ami. The story begins at Ami's wedding to her soon-to-be-husband, Dane (yuck), where Olive is the MOH and stuck wearing a horribly "Skittle Green" dress that is far too skimpy for her body type.

Olive seems to describe herself as "curvy", pointing out that she enjoys shamelessly indulging in comfort foods and owns her body. She describes herself as unlucky, and her sister being the opposite. Ami seems to be a four-leaf-clover and wins every contest she enters, which ended up help put together the majority of her wedding, including the ugly green bridesmaid dresses.

Dane (I just don't like the name, definitely gives off frat-boy energy) has an older brother by the name of Ethan, who is the best man.

Olive has despised Ethan from the moment they met as he seemed to be judgmental of her "eating habits". Which involved her eating Cheese curds which caused him to seem repulsed. That, along with the idea that Ethan whisks Dane along on "guy-trips" during important milestones of a relationship (valentine's day, Ami and Dane's anniversary to name a few) is the perfect justification to hate Ethan Thomas with a fire-y passion.

The wedding food was a buffet filled with shellfish. Olive is allergic and Ethan hates buffets, thus making them the only two guests to get separate meals, while wedding guests indulge in unlimited servings.

Grave mistake.

Every single person winds up with a horrid case of food poisoning, bride and groom included, while Olive and Ethan are left unscathed. The illness is so severe, Ami and Dane are incapable of attending their honeymoon, but since it was won in a contest (of course) they would lose it completely if left unused. Ami urges Olive to go in her place and Dane says the same to Ethan. Reluctantly, they decide to do it, despite the obvious discomfort.

Olive is in between jobs at the time, which is why she is so suddenly free to attend a 10 day long vacation in Maui, but receives a job-offer right before boarding the plane. Her sudden "unlucky quality" seems to turn.

During their stay, Olive and Ethan are met with some unlikely run-ins at the resort, which in turn makes them "pretend" to be "freshly married" and enjoying a lovely honeymoon while simultaneously seething.

As you could imagine, this brews an utterly impeccable storyline, making it hard to put down!

SPOILED:

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OKAY.

Not only does the MC's name make me only tolerate her, but her attitude at times just makes me *gag*.

She truly lives up to her self depiction of "pessimist" because a LOT of the interactions between her and Ethan, although may be seemingly innocent and charming to an outsider, immediately has Olive turning it into something she must have done seriously wrong. Or the narrative of "of course he despises me, because I eat delicious foods and I'm curvy and he thinks I'm digesting". Honestly, I wanted to throw my head through the drywall at times. NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU, OLIVE.

But, I guess this is a common quality of a true pessimist. Makes sense.

It's ok, Olive grows on me.

Ethan grew on me instantly. I don't know what it is about "men who are atrociously big and muscular" (a common theme among a LOT of these contemporary romance novels, I'm finding) but it instantly makes me blush. Maybe tiny women just want to be tossed around, and I don't blame them.

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**Side note - Augustus Everett (Beach Read) does not fit this description. Which may be why I didn't like him as much. Joshua Templeman (The Hating Game) certainly did and I am still actively trying to get over my unhealthy crush on him. Ethan Thomas is similar in description to Joshua, but didn't have the same "stomach doing flips" effect.**

Ok, the #1 reason WHY I love the Enemies to Lovers trope.

THE. BANTER.

Smart banter comes from intelligent characters (intelligently written 😏).

Something I love between Ethan and Olive, are their name changes. Ethan purposely calls Olive "Olivia" since their initial meeting and so in turn, Olive decides to switch us his name at random.

"Well, guess who's here?" I attempt enthusiasm by way of forced jazz hands. "Mr. Hamilton himself!"

Ethan's head whips my way. And I absolutely get the fear in his eyes: our ability to be completely anonymous has just been hosed. "Here here? At the resort?"

"I ran into him in the spa." And I add unnecessarily, "In a robe. He hugged me. It was weird. Anyways, sooooo, he invited us to dinner tonight. With his wife."

He laughs once. "Pass."

I curl my fingers into fists so I don't reach over and slap him. But a punch might leave a mark, so I flatten my hands again and sit on them. "The massage therapist called me Mrs. Thomas. In front of Mr. Hamilton." I pause a beat to see if he gets it. When he doesn't react, I add, "Do you get what I'm telling you? My new boss thinks I got married."

Very slowly, Ethan blinks, and then blinks again. "You could have told him we're just pretending."

"In front of the staff? No way. Plus, he's all about integrity and trust! In the moment, it felt like continuing the lie was the better option, but now we're totally screwed because he thinks I got married."

"He thinks that because you literally told him you got married."

"Shut up, Eric, let me think." I lean in, chewing a fingernail, musing.

Christina Lauren, The Unhoneymooners, pg. 88-89

There isn't an abundance of banter in that passage, but you can sense the direct attitude from each character towards each other. Which I found to be a little hysterical. Also, Olive twisting the situation to clearly be towards her bad luck, with Ethan being logical was something that made me roll my eyes (at Olive).

After their awkward dinner with Olive's future boss, where Olive twitched at the idea of lying this heavily and Ethan was surprisingly too natural at, they had a little exchange that made my heart maybe skip, a beat...or two.

"I wanted you to be sociopath charming," I say. Too charming, so that afterward people look back and think, 'You know, I didn't get it at the time, but he was always too perfect.' That sort of charming. Not, like, self-deprecating and cute."

Half of Ethan's mouth turns up, and I know what's coming because it launches: "You think I'm cute."

"In a gross way."

This makes him smile wider. "Cute in a gross way. Okay."

Christina Lauren, The Unhoneymooners, pg

124-125

Another hilarious run-in at the resort involves Ethan's "serious" ex-girlfriend, who was there with her new fiance. This involved some incentive to further play up their "honeymoon charade" on Ethan's end. They, obviously, find them crossing paths quite often, leading to hilariously awkward moments.

"Sophie. She keeps looking over here." In a panic, his eyes meet mine. "Do something."

"Like what?" I ask tightly, starting to panic, too.

"Before you go. I don't know. We're in love, right? Just-" He stands abruptly and reaches for my shoulders, jerking me across the table and planting his mouth stiffly on mine. Our eyes remain open and horrified. My breath is trapped in my chest, and I count to three eternal beats before we burst apart.

He fixes a convincingly loving smile on his face, speaking through his teeth. "I can't believe I just did that."

"I'm going to go gargle bleach now," I tell him.

Christina Lauren, The Unhoneymooners, pg. 128

Okay, one more long-winded excerpt before I talk steaminess.

On their way to an excursion, where they, of course, run into Ethan's ex and her fiance, they are once more forced to act more than amicable.

"Is this comfortable?" he mumbles.

"No." I am acutely conscious of every doughnut I've ever eaten in my entire life.

"Turn sideways."

"What?"

"Like..." He guides both of my legs to the right, helping me curl into his chest. "Better?"

"I mean..." Yes. It is better. "Whatever."

He stretches his arms across the deck railing and, gamely, I wrap an arm around his neck, trying to look like someone who enjoys frequent sex with him.

When I glance up, he's just looking up from my chest.

"Very subtle."

He looks away, blushes, and a electric zap travels down my neck. "They are pretty great, you know," he finally admits.

"I know."

"They do look better in this than in the Skittle dress."

"Your opinion is so important to me." I shift, wondering why I'm so flushed. "And I can feel your penis again."

"Of course you can," he says, with a tiny wink. "It'd be hard not to."

"Is that a size joke, or a boner joke?"

"Uh, definitely a size joke, Orville."

I take a final watery sip of my drink and then exhale directly into his face so that he winces from the fumes of cheap vodka.

Squinting, he says, "You're a real seductress."

"I hear that a lot."

He coughs, and I swear I see Ethan Thomas battling a genuine smile.

And I get it. As much as I hate him...I think I'm starting to like us.

"Have you ever snorkeled?" I ask.

"Yes."

"Do you like it?"

"Yes."

"Are you usual better at conversations than you are with me?"

"Yes."

Christina Lauren, The Unhoneymooners, pg. 144-145

Ok, the steam.

I mean, the lead up to them hooking up is very enticing. It's a very clear explosion of chemistry that was only bubbling for years, since they met. But let me just say this (again, this is subjective. My own personal preference.)

We. Need. More.

More description. Conversation during the act. The inherently clumsy-ness turned into one adorable hook up session where they can't get enough.

Instead, here is my little mini quote from the scene that is an inch of what I wanted.

"You okay there, Olivia?" he asks, sucking gently at my neck.

"Ask later. Nonverbal now."

Christina Lauren, The Unhoneymooners, pg. 239

Ok, can I say that the CHEATING DANE scandal is perfectly juicy. I thoroughly enjoyed that curve ball because it added a whole other level of intensity, not only to Ethan and Olive's relationship, but to Olive and Ami's, Olive and Dane's and Ethan and Dane. I thought it was perfectly executed and showed how beautifully feisty both Olive AND Ami are. As Latina women normally are 😉

So, in conclusion, the story line of this novel is what kept on giving, more than the developing relationship of the two main characters.

I think it's a great novel and I believe it's worth re-reading in the future for a good laugh!

If you're still here, I'm thankful you are!

Thanks for reading my fluff!

J.J. Monique